The Ultimate Guide to Writing Your Own Wedding Vows

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While traditional wedding vows are usually very structured, you don’t have to be quite as strict while writing your own. This outline is a great place to help you get started. 1. Say "I love you." This seems like a no-brainer, but Honaman says she is shocked at how many couples leave those three little words out of their vows.

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2. Tell your partner you'll be there through thick and thin. Most wedding vows touch on sticking around through good times and bad. "The reality is all marriages have cycles of peaks and valleys," Honaman says. "It's nice to communicate your intent to get through those valleys together."

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3. Share personal stories. It's so much more interesting for friends or family to hear about your odd quirks and raw personal moments. “Guests (and your S.O.) want to hear vows that are real," says Dent. "If you've been through bumpy spots, you should express that.”

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4. Actually make promises. Vows aren't just cute anecdotes—they are a promise and serious commitment that you’re making in front of a whole lot of witnesses. That doesn’t mean they have to be heavy though. “You can vow to not only stick by their side forever but to also be the one to kill spiders whenever they creep their way into your home,” says Dent.

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5. Acknowledge the support you'll need from others. You've gathered your friends and family to celebrate your wedding, but you'll need them just as much during your marriage. Honaman recommends you acknowledge "the role of family and friends who will help support you when times get tough."

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Here are our experts' top tips for writing—and delivering—your own wedding vows. 1. Don't wait until the last minute. Plan to have your vows written three weeks before your wedding. Trust us: You'll be thankful for the rehearsal when those wedding-day jitters kick in. 2. Make a list of all your thoughts. Jot down all the things that come to mind about your spouse or marriage. 

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Revisit these notes later and highlight your favorite items to be the starting points for your vows. 3. Write up to three drafts. Take a few days—even a week—to give you and your vows some space. Go back and reread them up to three times, but try to stop there. Continuously rewriting has its own challenges.

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4. Don't try to include everything. It's understandable to want to fit everything you're feeling into your vows—but in reality, you just can't include it all. 5. Avoid words like "always" and "never." This kind of absolute language is all but impossible to live up to. It's not always going to be easy, so don't promise perfection.

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6. Embrace sentimentality. This isn't the time to worry about being corny or cheesy. "If the words are heartfelt, then they're not cheesy," says Reynolds, M.Div. "I've never heard vows that made me roll my eyes." 7. Go after laughter. The ability to make your significant other smile and even laugh out loud during your ceremony will serve you well in your marriage.

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8. Get inspired by books, songs, movies, and poems. If you have a favorite line from a movie or song that expresses your feelings, use it as a starting point. And don't discount children's books or media as they often have a way of communicating deep, complex emotions in simple sentences. 9. Practice reading out loud. The only way to make sure everything sounds perfect is to hear it out. 

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“Reading your vows out loud will help you catch spots where the grammar might be iffy or where you’re missing a word as well as figure out if the structure is cohesive,” Dent explains. 10. Indicate pauses and intonation. "You’ll want to allow time to laugh or tear up without interrupting your flow," says Dent. 

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"For the best comprehension and emotional reactions, take it slow and focus on breaks, pauses, and intonation.” 11. Ask a trusted friend to listen. A close friend who is a great sounding board (and a pro at keeping secrets) is an important ally to have. “They can give you constructive criticism and help you improve your vows to make sure you really get that meaning across,” says Dent.

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12. Make a fresh copy of your vows for the ceremony. It's important to think about how the vows will look when they come into public view. Rewrite or reprint a fresh copy, or consider reading them from vow books. “Yes, the focus will be on the words themselves, but the aesthetics matter, too,” says Dent.

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13. Keep the vows a secret from your partner until the ceremony. "Your vows are a gift to one another, so don't share them ahead of time," Reynolds explains. It will make the ceremony all the more impactful and emotional if you're hearing them for the first time.

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A vow exchange should be an even one. Instead of thinking about it as a writing competition, get on the same page about your expectations and come to an agreement about the following. – How long should the vows be? – Will you share inside jokes or would you rather keep things more generic?

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– Will they lean more humorous or sentimental? Or be a mixture of both? – Do you want to incorporate elements of traditional or religious vows into your own?

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