How Much Should You Spend on a Wedding Gift? 12 Etiquette Tips for 2023

"The formality of the wedding impacts a number of elements, including time of day and dress, but there is no tie into the cost of the gift. What you gift the couple should be exclusively dependent on your relationship to the happy couple, as well as your own means.

1. Should I give a wedding gift that matches the price per head?

No guest should feel as though they need to overextend themselves with the gift because they are expected to wear black tie," says Carlson. Similarly, just because your BFF had a 10-person wedding in their backyard doesn’t mean you should give them an inexpensive gift.

1. Should I give a wedding gift that matches the price per head?

Also, if you happen to be attending multiple events for the couple, consider this as well: you can use the 60-20-20 rule, which means spending 20 percent of your total budget on an engagement party gift, 20 percent on a gift for the bridal shower, and 60 percent for the actual wedding gift.

1. Should I give a wedding gift that matches the price per head?

"Emily Post has always attested to the fact that you should always send a gift if invited unless you’ve truly been out of touch for a considerable length of time," says Carlson.

2. Should I buy a gift if I can’t attend the wedding?

"I’d like to think, however, that there is absolutely an understanding that if you decline the invitation and are not in a financial position to send a gift, then you don’t, and that’s OK. Instead, send your warm wishes with a handwritten note."

2. Should I buy a gift if I can’t attend the wedding?

If you’re a close friend of the couple, it’s probably best to send a wedding gift. If, on the other hand, your distant cousin invited 300 people to her wedding and you feel like you were invite number 299, a sweet note of congratulations on the RSVP card is sufficient.

2. Should I buy a gift if I can’t attend the wedding?

If you do decide to send a gift, feel free to spend less than you might spend if you were attending—that $30 wine opener is still a lovely token of congratulations that the couple will surely appreciate.

2. Should I buy a gift if I can’t attend the wedding?

If you plan on giving a check to the happy couple, make sure you avoid writing their new surname in the "to" field. It may seem counterintuitive after having just watched them tie the knot, but when it comes to cashing checks after the big day,

3. How do I address a check to the couple?

the bank will sometimes not accept checks that don’t have the registered account name. To be safe, it’s best to write the check out to one person and write a happy note in the memo field.

3. How do I address a check to the couple?

As the pandemic is truly unprecedented, there’s not really a rule of thumb for these situations. This also means the couple has no expectations for a gift, either.

4. Should I purchase a gift for a wedding I didn’t attend that was either cancelled or downsized for reasons relating to the pandemic?

Was the cancelled wedding far enough along that you received information on their wedding registry? If so, it would be a nice gesture to send a gift.

4. Should I purchase a gift for a wedding I didn’t attend that was either cancelled or downsized for reasons relating to the pandemic?

The couple may not be treating you to dinner and drinks, but sending a little something is a sweet way to celebrate their love. If there’s a chance the wedding may be postponed, it’s ok to wait for further details from the couple.

4. Should I purchase a gift for a wedding I didn’t attend that was either cancelled or downsized for reasons relating to the pandemic?

What if the couple opted to host a micro-wedding with immediate family only? In this case, chances are, there’s no wedding registry or expectation of a wedding gift

4. Should I purchase a gift for a wedding I didn’t attend that was either cancelled or downsized for reasons relating to the pandemic?

but if your budget allows, it’s recommended to mail them a little something. A handwritten note and a thoughtful gift will go a long way.

4. Should I purchase a gift for a wedding I didn’t attend that was either cancelled or downsized for reasons relating to the pandemic?

According to a study from the American Express Spending and Saving Tracker, the average amount that a guest was projected to spend on a wedding gift was $99—but that’s if you’re a friend of the couple. Family members are projected to spend at least $127.

5. How much should I spend on a wedding gift?

Even if you aren’t close to the couple, however, it’s not very considerate to spend less than $50 on a gift. If you’re a coworker or a distant friend, the minimum wedding gift amount you can get away with is $50 to $75.

5. How much should I spend on a wedding gift?

If everything left on the registry is over your budget of $50 to $75, it’s a good idea to get the couple a gift card to one of the stores where they registered.

5. How much should I spend on a wedding gift?

There’s nothing wrong with gifting cash. According to the aforementioned American Express study, one third of respondents prefer to give cash as a wedding gift.

6. Is it OK to give cash as a wedding gift?

In fact, as most millennials are getting married later in life and already have well-stocked homes, they prefer cash to put toward savings over registry items.

6. Is it OK to give cash as a wedding gift?

If you are giving cash (or a check), send it ahead of time rather than bringing it to the wedding—it’s too easy for things to get misplaced in the chaos of the day.

6. Is it OK to give cash as a wedding gift?

Some couples may even register for cash to go directly into their bank accounts through sites like Tendr, which allows guests to give money virtually, along with a sentimental note they can personally write on a digital card.

6. Is it OK to give cash as a wedding gift?

There’s no rule in the wedding gift etiquette handbook that would suggest your wedding gift amount go up if you bring a date.

7. Should my wedding gift amount increase if I have a plus one?

"While it may make sense to spend a bit more because you are bringing two mouths to feed, there is no expectation that you need to do so," says Carlson.

7. Should my wedding gift amount increase if I have a plus one?

"The preferred method for gifting is to send it to the couple’s home, versus bringing with you on the wedding day. There are just so many things to keep track of the day of the event, that it’s appreciated if you can make it a bit easier on the newlyweds.

8. Should I ship a gift directly or bring it to the wedding?

Luckily, it’s practically a given that you’ll be able to ship your gift with relative ease thanks to registries," says Carlson.

8. Should I ship a gift directly or bring it to the wedding?

If the only items left on the registry are well over your budget or you really want to gift the couple a big-ticket item you know they’ll love, join forces with a group of friends.

9. Is it OK to give a group wedding gift?

And for bridesmaids and groomsmen who have already spent quite a bit of money on the bridesmaid dress, bachelor party, and shower, this is a particularly wise way to gift

9. Is it OK to give a group wedding gift?

—the couple will receive a thoughtful big-ticket present from the wedding party, and each person can usually get away with spending a bit less individually.

9. Is it OK to give a group wedding gift?

"While there are no hard and fast rules, there is a general understanding that their presence at the wedding can absolutely be their gift.

10. Do I have to buy a wedding gift for a destination wedding?

You have to remember that your guests are presumably taking time off from work and arranging childcare, so they’ve already invested quite a bit.

10. Do I have to buy a wedding gift for a destination wedding?

With that being said, if an attendee chooses to gift them in addition to being there, then that’s absolutely fine," says Carlson.

10. Do I have to buy a wedding gift for a destination wedding?

If you do want to get them a wedding gift but you’re strapped for cash right after spending on the flights and hotels, you can always wait until later (up to a year) to get them a wedding gift. Whatever the timing, they’ll always appreciate it.

10. Do I have to buy a wedding gift for a destination wedding?

Traditionally, you have up to one year to get the couple a wedding gift. That being said, etiquette experts agree that the sooner you can give the gift the better.

11. How long do I have after the wedding to get the couple a wedding gift?

Everyone wants to unwrap their wedding gifts when they’re still radiating with that newlywed glow.

11. How long do I have after the wedding to get the couple a wedding gift?

Gifting items that aren’t included on the registry isn’t a violation of wedding gift etiquette. If, however, you choose an off-registry item, make sure it’s something you know the couple will absolutely love.

12. Is it OK to buy gifts that aren’t on the wedding registry?

"A couple has taken the time to select items that they need, so it makes perfect sense the majority of the time to simply fall in line with their wishes.

12. Is it OK to buy gifts that aren’t on the wedding registry?

With that being said, if you are close to the couple and are 100 percent sure that your off-registry item fits the bill, then by all means, do it," says Carlson.

12. Is it OK to buy gifts that aren’t on the wedding registry?

Learn more about how to organize a dream wedding and not go crazy